So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
