Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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