Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
