I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
