Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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