I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
