shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
