The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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