The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
nutella sex= disaster
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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