So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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