ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
