I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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