Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
