In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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