I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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