I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
