I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
