if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
two words...techno handjob
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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