You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize