I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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