So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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