my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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