I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
