she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
