i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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