I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
