So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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