what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
