So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
