were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
