Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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