Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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