I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
