There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
