playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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