when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
