drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
