i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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