I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
