the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
