I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
