i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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