After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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