I love having hate sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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