i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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