dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
foreskin is a definite game changer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
