turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
