i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
