it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
