I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
