By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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