you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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