wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize