there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
