Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
