Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
