As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize