Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
