I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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