I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
