you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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