I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
