my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
