im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
