i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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