I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
