Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
