My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
