my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
