She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
