his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
