We won't sleep together?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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