i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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