I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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