My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
