dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
