Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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