yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
