tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
